Steps to Making Up

1. Have a calming-period. Most couples have an emotional recovery period during which it’s hard for them to think clearly and be fair with their partner. Think about breaking for at least a half hour and to calm down. Come back to the conversation when the pair of you has had opportunity calm down. The conversation has a better chance of ending well.

2. Learn how to be less reactive to conflict. Affection, showing interest in your partner’s perspective, and keeping a sense of humor will help you seem less critical and confrontational during conflict.

3. Understand the other person’s feelings about the situation. Respond in a compassionate way and offer an apology when appropriate. Ask questions like, “What do you need here?” and “Help me understand what I’m missing so I can understand your perspective.”

4. Tell your partner about your feelings and needs. Offer the same in return by trying to validate your partner’s feelings and needs. Work toward a solution together and not as individuals on opposite sides of a battle.

5. Most fights get resolved over a series of conversations. Couples need to revisit issues several times and sometimes throughout their lives together. Often, the initial argument gets couples talking about the situation. Keep talking and don’t fear having the conversation over and over. As long as you’re working on the issues as a team, you’ll come together.